


In the Wake of Solitude

by TimmyJaybird



Series: Wish I Had An Angel [17]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Agender Character, Blow Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Experimentation, brief discussion of past rape, little murder clone, someone is brooding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 06:10:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8612302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimmyJaybird/pseuds/TimmyJaybird
Summary: Vanni hates his own fear. He understands it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't frustrate him. And more than anything, he wants to make sure every fiber of his being belongs to him, and not ghosts long dead from his past.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ... remember when I said this series was done? Yeah, so do I. But I missed Vanni, and after a little revisiting, I decided I wasn't ready to be done with him. This takes place shortly after "There's More to Life". I decided I really wanted to explore Vanni in the future with his boyfriends more than anything else.
> 
> I'm leaving the series listed as completed, because maybe this really _is_ the last fic. But who knows with me these days.

Vanni knew his landing was botched, the moment his toes hit the floor. He felt his ankle give, and didn’t fight it, sprawling out on the floor as he tumbled down. He grunted, fisting one hand and pushing himself up on one arm, gritting his teeth. He was panting lightly, could feel sweat on his spine and neck, his hair free but left in a wild mess. He closed his eyes, sucked in a single breath, as the music in his fathers’ gym continued to play, despite his body’s decision to not go along with it.

 

He wasn’t concentrating. He  _ knew _ that. And while he didn’t need to concentrate to land a jump, the way he had been pushing himself would have  _ required _ concentration. He’d been hoping it would have forced his mind to focus.

 

As it was, it felt all over the place.

 

Heaving a sigh, he sat up, brushing his hair back out of his face and looking around the room. It seemed so empty and lifeless, without either of his dad’s there. The whole penthouse did, honestly. And they’d only been gone about twelve hours. He had no idea how he was going to go  _ days _ like this.

 

He flopped back down, onto his back now, giving up on his routine. He lifted his legs into the air, stretching, began bending them, tipping back until he was folded and his toes would touch the floor, above his head. At least he’d moved his body, chased away that restless itch he had when he woke up, somedays. And while it would have been nice to go to the studio where his instructor was, the snow outside and his lack of either father to drive him made it difficult.

 

He straightened his legs back up, stood up and twisted at his waist, moving the muscles along his back. A few stretches of his arms, and he was heading over to the bench, plopping down next to his phone that was still blasting music. He ignored it, pulling his legs up so he could begin unlacing his slippers. They felt so worn under his fingers, but he hadn’t bothered touching the new pair he’d been given last month for his birthday. He hated having to wear them in until they fit perfectly.

 

He set one on the bench once he worked it off, flexed his toes. They ached from being cramped, but he was used to that. He reached over, bent them and heard a satisfying  _ crack _ , before he rubbed up along his foot, the pressure easing the tension. After a moment he moved to the other, getting his slipper off and repeating, until he was satisfied. He gathered up his phone, finally turning the music off, and his slippers, and walked barefoot across the gym, towards the door.

 

The elevator ride up to top level of the penthouse was quick, and Vanni let himself in, relocking the door behind him. He paused to look around- but the lights were all off, and it was as if the place was sleeping around him. He sighed, heading straight for his room to store his slippers away, leave his phone plugged into it’s charger.

 

He didn’t mind solitude. While he preferred company now, after so many years of his youth lacking it, it was still nice to have time alone to think. Usually, he might have enjoyed this. A chance to completely slip back into himself, where he didn’t need words and sounds, and he could exist with the shadows again for just a spell.

 

But Vanni’s mind felt like it was churning endlessly, now. And it wasn’t  _ bad _ , he didn’t think- but it left him restless. Left him feeling lonely.

 

He headed for the bathroom, leaning over the tub and starting the water, clicking the drain shut. If  _ ballet _ couldn’t occupy his mind, he’d try to slip into nothing again- if not sort his thoughts into something tangible, something sensical.

 

The tub didn’t take long. He cut the water off before he started stripped, peeling off thin, tight layers that still, to this day, reminded him of the suit he’d once wore for the Court. But it was easiest for him to move in, and some memories… some he could handle, now. Some he could use to his advantage.

 

He climbed into the hot water, settling in. He plucked a hair tie off his wrist, tying his hair up quickly, before sliding down, until his chin hit the water, and he could get completely wet.

 

He’d woken up in a state that was becoming  _ normal _ , that morning. With his face in his pillow and his hips moving into his bed, with dream-like memories of someone’s hands touching him in ways he only touched himself. And unlike the nightmares he’d boasted in his younger years, it wasn’t fear coursing through him, when he came to.

 

It was just an unrelenting  _ want _ .

 

And he didn’t fool himself, he knew who the hands belonged to. He knew the only one who had ever touched him of Vanni’s own desire- who had come close and then those damn  _ ghosts _ had sunk their claws into Vanni’s mind and taken it from him. Taken his first chance at regaining a part of his being that had never  _ been _ his.

 

He lifted his hand, playing with the water gently. He hadn’t tried, since then. Not since he’d panicked on the couch and Damian had apologized and held him. Not since Colin had asked him about it- not since the three of them had finally decided this was  _ something _ .

 

Vanni did smile to himself, mouthing the word  _ boyfriend _ and thinking of both Damian and Colin. At least that had been one anxiety eased and erased, knowing they truly felt the same, knowing this wasn’t  _ strange _ , loving them both. At least he had them, and he knew he would, even if things remained stagnant.

 

But he didn’t  _ want _ it to, was the thing. He wanted to explore the damn coiling in his gut, the dreams that left him breathless. He wanted every demon inside him drawn and quartered and buried and forgotten. He wanted to own every inch of his being, and even years since his freedom, he knew there was so much work to be done.

 

He straightened up, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He was afraid of panicking again. He was  _ scared _ .

 

His short nails dug into his legs over the word.  _ Scared _ . He knew it was  _ okay _ , but that didn’t mean he had to like it. But he also knew he was the only one who could do a damn thing about it…

 

The train of thought cut off when he heard movement. Vanni perked up, but it was a key in the door, and then the sound of it swinging open. He frowned- there was no way it was Dick or Jason, they were going to be gone for days, helping Roy with some trouble he’d had. Vanni couldn’t see such a drastic change in plans happening-

 

“Vanni?” The voice was completely familiar, and Vanni looked over at the door, following the sound of two sets of footsteps. He had left the bathroom door open- a bad habit when he was alone- and a moment later, Colin was gripping the frame, peeking around. “Hey there princess.”

 

Vanni offered the smallest of smiles, lifting one wet hand in a silent wave. Damian appeared a moment later, tucking away his copy of the penthouse key. Silently, Vanni lifted both hands, signing out,  _ what are you doing here? _

 

“Grayson informed me that you were… lackluster last night when he left,” Damian admitted, folding his arms, “he was concerned and I promised we would check in on you. I called about ten minutes ago but you did not pick up… I see why.” Vanni only nodded, and watched as the smiles on his boyfriends’ faces faltered completely.

 

“We… don’t wanna intrude,” Colin said, glancing at the floor, “just… Damian wormed his way outta a meeting and I worked the night shift so we figured we’d see if you wanted some company. But if you don’t it’s fine, like, we get that…”

 

Vanni shook his head.  _ No _ , he signed,  _ please stay _ . Colin and Damian glanced at each other, before nodding, and Vanni licked his lips, trying to find his voice. He hadn’t spoken a word since his fathers left, the night before. “Give me a minute,” he managed, and his voice squeaked towards the end. “Let me get dressed.”

 

“I’ll go make some tea or something,” Colin said, excusing himself to give Vanni privacy Damian lingered, his look a silent  _ do you need anything _ , but Vanni waved him off. After a moment, Damian followed, and Vanni was alone again. He took one long, lingering moment to enjoy the last of the cooling water, before he leaned forward, clicking the drain open. He pushed himself up, brushed some of the water from his body, before grabbing the large, fluffy towel he’d left out and drying himself off. He wrapped it around himself, heading out of the bathroom after clicking the light off, and towards his room.

 

The hallway smelled like coffee, and he knew Colin must be making that for himself and Damian. He paused at his door, inhaling, managed a smile because the smell was so  _ good _ and it was deceiving because he had yet to  _ enjoy _ the bitter drink.

 

He slipped into his room, letting the door shut tight. He sighed, leaning forward, his forehead pressing to it. And it had to be a sign, that the focus of his torment  _ appeared _ when he needed comfort. That Colin and Damian were here- in his home, in the place where he was most comfortable. And they were alone…

 

Vanni licked his lips, felt his belly tightening up slightly. He squeezed his thighs together, his mind flashing to Damian’s hand high on his thigh. And he could only wonder if Colin would have held him differently.

 

He shook his head, straightening up. He tossed the towel into his hamper, heading for his dresser. He tried to dress quickly, almost losing his balance as he tried to pull his leggings on- scowling because he made the mistake of  _ damp skin _ and clingy fabric. Yet it was one he made almost every day.

 

He tugged on a large, soft sweater, before pulling his hair free from his hair tie and sliding that on his wrist. He headed out of his bedroom and for the kitchen, running his fingers through his hair, trying to tame the long waves. His boyfriends were both leaning against the counter, nursing mugs of coffee. Vanni paused when he entered, aware they were both watching him- and, unable to free his hands fast enough from his hair, asked, “what?”

 

Colin reached next to him, held out a mug, and Vanni walked over, finally tugging his fingers free. He took it, pulling it close to smell the tea, and sighed because it was still so warm. He took a tentative sip, felt the heat radiating down his throat, into his chest, the spaces between his ribs. For a moment his eyelids fluttered shut and he enjoyed it, a sort of peace settling over him he hadn’t been able to attain yet, before he glanced up through his thick lashes.

 

Colin and Damian were still watching.

 

“You’re staring,” he said, before taking another sip. Damian attempted to hid himself by swallowing his coffee, but Colin only set his own aside.

 

“Just… what’s going on?” he sounded concerned, and Vanni could see he was working hard to keep it showing from his face. “Did something happen? You’re not usually…”

 

“Brooding,” Damian finished for him, reluctant to put his own mug down.

 

Colin nodded. “Yeah, that. That’s a Damian thing.” There was a disgruntled  _ hey! _ but Colin ignored it. “We’re just… you know, worried about you. We care…” he paused, licked his lips, and now with the actually fear showing in those pretty green eyes, “Are you having second thoughts?”

 

Vanni tightened his hands around his mug, shook his head. No, no  _ never _ , not about them. They were a source of so much good, so much stability and security and  _ happiness _ , and the fact that they loved him as they did-

 

There was no room for second thoughts.

 

“If you don’t want to talk, it’s okay,” Colin continued, “We won’t push. And like, if you want us to leave, we can do that too. We just wanted to see you.”

 

Vanni shook his head. “Don’t go,” he said, before he glanced away, out of the kitchen. “Can we…” he nodded, and Colin collected his coffee mug, Damian being the first to turn and head out towards the living room. Vanni watched them settle onto the couch, before he dropped down in the middle himself, folding his legs up and holding his mug down between them. He licked his lips, taking a moment to roll through the words his tongue would need to form, and not his hands.

 

To their credit, Damian and Colin waited.

 

“I keep thinking,” Vanni started, his voice soft- but the penthouse offered silence around him, and no matter his tone, he wouldn’t be drowned out. “About before. About…” he glanced at Damian, and it must have been in his dark eyes, because Damian’s cheeks flushed gently, and he glanced away. But even if it was understood, Vanni wanted to  _ say _ it. “About you touching me.”

 

“I shouldn’t have,” Damian blurted out, reaching up with one warm hand and dragging it over his face. “I should have  _ known _ better. I am so sorry Vanni, I… it’s my fault-”

 

“ _ Stop _ !” It came out louder than Vanni meant, but it cut Damian off like he needed. “Don’t.” He left his mug cradled in his lap, and signed with his next statement, “ _ I make my own decisions _ .” He dropped his hands back down to his lap, hung his head forward, let his hair act as a veil. Because he  _ did _ , he had been for the past five years. Ever since he’d made the decision to follow Dick home- no, even  _ before _ . His decision to seek him out, the man he was born to be…

 

And every decision, since then, was  _ his _ . No matter the factors, he knew how to say no. He chose when to, and when not to. And he wouldn’t let that fact ever be taken from him.

 

“I wanted it,” he whispered, swallowing thickly. “I… still do.” He inhaled, glanced back up- found Damian staring, eyes a little wide. And when he glanced at Colin, he was in a similar state.

 

The redhead was the first to move, to lean forward and set his mug on the coffee table. He reached forward, took Vanni’s to set it aside too, before taking one of his hands, resting them on Vanni’s thigh. “Okay,” he said, as he rubbed his thumb over Vanni’s knuckles. “That’s… that’s okay.” He squeezed, and Vanni heard Damian shifting, moving his own mug as well. “Do you want Damian to touch you again?”

 

“Wilkes!” Damian leaned forward, looking on the calm side of terrified, in a way Vanni figured only he could.

 

“What? I’m just  _ askin’ _ . It’s his decision Dames, take a step back.” The tone was sharp, and Vanni had  _ never _ heard Colin speak like that with Damian. It made Damian lean back for a moment- but seemed to be what he needed to clamp his mouth shut, to attempt to rein in his own anxiety. “Vanni,” he said again, “you can want whatever you want. And you can want something and not be ready for it. So, lemme ask again- do you want Damian to touch you again?”

 

Vanni shook his head- but before either could speak, “I want you both to touch me.” He closed his eyes, leaned back into the couch and tipped his head back. “I keep having dreams,” he admitted, as Colin continued to affectionately stroke his thumb over his knuckles. “And I wake up and I just…” he sighed. “I want it. I want something, and I hate that it scares me.”

 

There it was. What had been clawing at his chest- his desire and his fear of it and his hate  _ for _ the fear. Vanni kept his eyes shut, heard shifting on the couch, and then Colin’s warm lips, on his cheek. An affectionate peck that was over far too soon, but had Vanni cracking his eyes open, glancing over.

 

“Okay.” One, single, simple word. But more than enough. Colin smiled at him, that warm, sweet kind, the one Vanni had first seen and fallen for. He dared to glance away, look over at Damian…

 

And Damian reached up, cupped Vanni’s cheek with one hand. He leaned in, and his kiss was to Vanni’s mouth, though equally sweet and brief. “You can be afraid,” Damian whispered to him, “you can always trust us enough to be afraid around us.” He smiled then, gentle, and Vanni exhaled, feeling the pressure on his chest lifting.

 

“And whatever we need to do to make you comfortable,” Colin added, “we will, okay? Just talk to us. I know it’s not easy, but we  _ love _ you. And this… that’s how it’s gonna work.” He leaned in, nestled right onto the crook of Vanni’s neck and shoulder, his hand leaving Vanni’s only to wrap around his waist, cling to him tightly. Vanni giggled, and Damian  _ beamed _ over the sound, joining in and locking himself around his boyfriend, nuzzling his hair. Another laugh, and Vanni was arching on the couch, squirming because they were weighing him down in the best way possible.

 

“You’re stuck here now,” Damian mumbled, settling his chin onto Vanni’s head, lifted up higher than the others. “I hope you did not have plans for your solitude.”

 

Vanni shook his head. Only to, exactly as Colin had said,  _ brood _ \- and this was far better. He felt comfortable again, the anxiety gone because they had coaxed the fear out of him, and suddenly the penthouse didn’t seem lonely, but  _ perfect _ .

 

Vanni curled his toes, bit at his lip for a moment. Wanted to ride out the good feeling, but wanted to  _ use _ it more. “Do you think,” he started, dragging the words out slowly, “we could… try something?” Both his boyfriends pulled back, and Vanni reached up, twirled a lock of his hair around a finger, the need to move something he couldn’t deny. “I feel good,” he admitted, “maybe we can…”

 

“We have to discuss it first,” Damian admitted, settling back, loosely folding his arms. “I will not participate without a discussion.”

Colin nodded. “Dames is right.” He leaned back, against the arm of the couch. “Words first, princess.”

 

Vanni sighed, signing  _ I hate words _ , and both Colin and Damian managed a chuckle. “What do you want me to say?”

 

“I don’t want a repeat of last time,” Damian whispered, and Vanni could tell by his eyes it wasn’t frustration with Vanni’s fear, but the fact that he still felt he held some  _ blame _ for it.

 

“I… it felt like you were going to…” Vanni sucked in a breath, and the words he said next were  _ foul _ in his mouth, but needed to be said. “He  _ fucked _ me. I don’t want that.”

 

Vanni wasn’t sure he’d ever said that in his life- but somehow the bitterness that came out with it was relieving.

 

“Done,” Colin said, “that’s… not a first step, anyway.”

 

“But you thought I might, because I pressed up against you,” Damian filled in. And even though Vanni had explained it to him once before, he nodded.

 

“Not that you might but… I just… connected it. Otherwise that was…” Vanni liked his lips. “I liked it otherwise. You against me.”

 

Colin smiled at that. “Okay, grinding  _ yes _ ,” he said, lifting his hand and one finger. “What else we got that you’re into pretty bird?” Vanni flushed, shrugged his shoulder, and Damian stretched one leg out, completely over Vanni’s lap, to push his foot at Colin’s legs.

 

“Don’t look so eager, Wilkes.”

 

“I want him to feel as good as he can,” Colin pointed out, reaching out and grabbing Damian’s socked foot. He squeezed, his thumb sliding along the inside, and Damian jerked back, a laugh choking in his throat as he nearly thrash from the ticklish sensation. The couch, however, didn’t have room for him to do so, and he ended up rolling right off it, sprawling out in the space between it and the coffee table. “Shit, Damian!”

 

“Fine,” he mumbled, waving them off. Vanni reached up, covered his mouth to try and hold in his laugh. Damian pushed himself up, sat there shaking his head, and Vanni’s eyes narrowed slightly in pure affection. He was sure there were very few people in the world who saw this side to Damian.

 

When he glanced back, Colin was watching him. “I have an idea,” he said, “but let’s relocate first.” He stood up, bending over and offering his hands to Damian. Damian took them, allowed Colin to pull him up, as Vanni stood up off the couch. “Do you mind if we go to your room?”

 

Vanni shook his head- in fact, the moment Colin asked it, Vanni realized he’d much rather be there. He walked around the couch, leading the way down to his room. He pushed the door open, heading right for the bed, shoving his stuffed animals towards the foot of it to make room. Damian paused to shut the door, despite the fact that there was no one else home, and Colin walked right over, climbing up onto the bed.

 

“Do you still wanna try something?” he asked, sitting back in the pillows. Vanni nodded, as Damian stayed back by the door, watching. More apprehensive than Colin- but he had seen Vanni’s panic attack, the first time. “Okay.” Colin spread his legs, patted the spot right between them. “C’mere.”

 

Vanni listened, crawling over Colin’s legs and settled between his thighs, his back up to his chest. One of Colin’s arms hooked around his waist, holding him tightly, as he nuzzled the side of his neck, placed a single kiss there.

 

“What turns you on?”

 

Vanni swallowed, his heart jumping over someone  _ asking _ that. Because they hadn’t before… “Kisses,” he admitted, and Colin hummed, kissed up towards his jaw now.

 

“Dames,” he said, glancing over, “come help me out?” Damian hesitated, before he headed over for the bed, standing by the side. “Come up here,” he said, his other hand patting his own thigh, “and kiss the princess.”

 

Vanni felt his breath catching.  _ Yes _ , he wanted to say,  _ please _ . There was a moment of silence and hesitation, and he worried Damian would say  _ no _ , but then he was climbing up. He straddled both Colin and Vanni’s thighs, cupping Vanni’s face with one warm hand. Vanni tipped his head back slightly out of instinct, waiting- but Damian rubbed his thumb over his lower lip instead.

 

“You’re sure?” he whispered, and Vanni nodded. Was always sure about Damian and Colin’s kisses-  _ always _ . Damian leaned in then, kissed him softly at first. Subtle movements of his warm lips, and Vanni sighed into it, as Colin’s other hand found his thigh, rubbed it gently. Vanni shivered over the touch, but Colin didn’t stop and he was  _ glad _ because it was a good shiver. He reached up, clutched at Damian’s shirt as he tipped his head back further, opened his mouth more, trying to coax Damian to kiss him harder.

 

Colin smirked, when he could see Damian taking the bait, his tongue pressing into Vanni’s mouth, pushing along his. He nuzzled Vanni’s hair, breathed him in, before nosing at the shell of his ear. “He kisses you like you’re a goddess,” he whispered, and Vanni whined over that. He loved every moment Colin elevated him, loved that he thought of him as  _ ethereal _ .

 

Damian gave a little groan, sliding along their thighs, and Vanni sucked at his tongue. This was something he knew, something he was  _ good _ at. Years of practice had left this his only outlet for physical intimacy.

 

He felt his cock twitching, confined still in his boxer briefs and leggings. He squirmed, tried to squeeze his thighs shut as it swell- but couldn’t with Damian keeping one completely trapped.

 

“Tell me when you’re hard,” Colin whispered, and his voice was  _ different _ like this. The carefree tone melted away, and he was serious but somehow still so  _ secure _ , for Vanni. Vanni nearly clawed at Damian’s shirt, almost popped one of the buttons, but his boyfriend didn’t seem to care. He sucked at Vanni’s lower lip instead, tugging gently before pulling off, panting against his wet mouth.

 

“I’m,” Vanni started, swallowing. “I’m hard…”

 

“Good.” Colin kissed his jawline again, before the hand on his thigh left, reached up to pull one hand from Damian’s shirt, to guide it down to his lap. “I want you to touch yourself.”

 

“Wha?” Vanni tipped his head back, but he couldn’t see Colin, as his boyfriend nuzzled his neck again.

 

“You heard me.” He pressed Vanni’s hand between his legs, and Vanni bucked up against his own hand. “Trust me baby.”

 

He shivered over the  _ baby _ , and glanced at Damian. Damian nodded, and something about his eyes told Vanni he  _ got _ whatever Colin was thinking.

 

So when Colin’s hand left his, he pushed his sweater up, reaching right into his leggings and boxer briefs without hesitation. He gasped when his own palm brushed along his cockhead, bit at his lip as Damian’s hands moved down, curled into the waistband of both. “Can I?” he asked, and Vanni nodded, lifting his hips slightly as Damian carefully peeled them down, just enough so that Vanni’s cock was free. Vanni turned, tried to hide in his own shoulder, as Colin leaned over, smiled.

 

“Are you embarrassed?” he asked, and Vanni nodded gently. If only because he had  _ learned _ modesty, over the years. “Don’t be. Can we see?”

 

Vanni swallowed, eased his hand down and then off, arching slightly and baring his cock. Vanni chewed at his lip, before Damian was guiding his head back, leaning in and kissing the bridge of his nose.

 

“Pretty boy,” Colin breathed, and Vanni gasped, reached back and got his hand around himself over that, squeezing at the base. He slid it up, teased his foreskin back with another stroke, and felt Colin breathing into him, “That’s it Vanni. Make yourself feel like heaven.”

 

Vanni dropped his head back, and Damian chased him. He leaned over, kissing him again, one arm hooking around his shoulder so he could bury his hand in his free hair, twine locks around his fingers. The other was holding at Colin’s shoulder, keeping Damian steady as Vanni rocked his hips up into his hand. He’d never been able to touch himself while being kissed, and he felt like he might tear right out of his skin, like his nerves were screaming. Damian’s mouth was warm as ever, and his tongue made Vanni whine, moan in this sweet way as it pushed into his mouth again.

 

Colin groaned over the noise, and his arm around Vanni kept him anchored. “You have no idea how gorgeous you are.” Vanni didn’t know if that was directed at him or Damian, but he didn’t  _ care _ . He squeezed his cock, felt precum sliding down over his fingers, and pushed his fist up, keeping his movement to tight, short strokes over his glans. He was trying to pant into Damian’s mouth, felt light headed because he swore he couldn’t get enough air.

 

This was different from everything he’d ever had. And maybe that was keeping the terror away, because Vanni didn’t feel it. He was pinned between warmth, not pinned  _ down _ onto something cold. He was safe and there was love here, there was Damian’s mouth which had been one of the first things to awaken  _ desire _ in him- and there was Colin, like a goddamn gargoyle overlooking his city.

 

There was security and promise.

 

Vanni moaned again, loud, as his belly tightened up. His cock twitched, heavy, and he was right there- and then Damian was tugging at his hair, gently but hard enough to tip his head back more, so he could kiss him even deeper. Vanni shook, arched as much as he could and drove into his fist as he came so suddenly he choked. He felt Colin’s arm tighten around him, his mouth dropped to his neck, his tongue moving along his pulse- and that, with Damian’s kiss, had him shaking through it, whimpering because he could feel  _ everything _ and swore he was a single stroke of a nerve from being completely numb.

 

When he finally sagged down against Colin, Damian pulled back. His lips were dark, wet and swollen, and Vanni groaned over that, pitching forward and reaching up with his free hand, dragging Damian back in. He bit at those lips, got a gasp into his mouth, and could feel Colin’s chest rumble with a  chuckle behind him.

 

“Look at you go,” he whispered, when Vanni finally pulled back, let Damian kneel there, panting. “Do you feel okay?”

 

Vanni nodded. He… did. He didn’t feel sick or dirty, didn’t feel anxious. If anything, he could curl right up in his bed then, his afterglow leaving him buzzing in a pleasant, warm-static sort of way.

 

“Good.” Colin stretched, reached for his nightstand and grabbed the box of tissues. He brought it around, and Vanni grabbed a few, cleaning his hand off, before pulling his clothing back into place. He balled them up then, shoving them and the box away. “Dames, let’s let him relax.”

 

Damian nodded, maneuvering off their legs, and Vanni crawled from Colin’s lap. He sprawled out, sighing as he rubbed his cheek on his pillow, glancing up through his hair at his boyfriends-

 

And smiling.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered, his toes curling as he rubbed his legs against his blanket. “Thank you for  _ fixing me _ .”

 

“Hey, you were  _ never _ broken,” Colin offered, reaching over the stroke his hair back. “Okay? Never. Not because of what someone did to you. And not because you didn’t feel any desire. You were  _ you _ , and you were perfect.” Vanni nodded, glanced from Colin to Damian, couldn’t miss the way those jade eyes were dancing.

 

“Damian’s turned on,” he managed, his words long and slow. Damian glanced away, shrugging a single shoulder, like he wanted to ignore it. Vanni reached out, traced his fingers along Colin’s thigh. “Can you make him feel good too?”

 

Colin  _ beamed _ at that. “If you’re okay with it princess, I absolutely can.” Vanni nodded, and Colin was quick to move, get right off the bed. He patted the edge. “C’mon Dames, come over here.” Damian hesitated, glanced back at Vanni- but he nodded. Damian shuffled forward, settling with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed, and Colin was quick to get down on his knees, pop open the button on his slacks. Vanni couldn’t see much at first, until he pushed himself higher up on the pillows, just in time to see Colin lift Damian’s cock free.

 

Vanni sucked at his lip. Damian’s cock was  _ different _ from his. He seemed so much bigger, as Colin eased his foreskin back with a single stroke, before he leaned over, opened his mouth and took him in. Damian groaned, tipped his head back, one hand reaching for Colin’s finger hair as the redhead set a quick rhythm. His head bobbed in ways that Vani figured would hurt his neck, if he didn’t  _ practice _ .

 

He wasn’t naive. He knew Colin did.

 

Still, he’d never  _ seen _ it. And he couldn’t keep from squirming, watching Colin’s mouth stretch because Damian’s cock was so thick. Vanni didn’t even realize he was staring, taking in wet and golden skin and then the way Damian’s cock flushed, matched his cheeks, how red the head got when Colin pulled off and lapped at it, teasingly.

 

“Pretty bird,” Colin managed, finding Vanni’s eyes, “what are you thinking?”

 

Vanni shook his head, kept his mouth shut. He felt  _ silly _ but he couldn’t look away, and Colin accepted his silence this time. He leaned back down, opened his mouth wide again, and Damian pulled at his hair.

 

“ _ Colin _ , you’re going too fast,” he gasped, lifting his hips. He was fucking into his mouth and Colin wasn’t even  _ reacting _ other than a muffled groan. But he flicked his eyes up, and  _ Vanni _ gasped, because he could read that look.

 

Colin wasn’t aiming to drag this out.

 

Damian panted harder, little noises falling from his mouth as he did so. And then a loud cry, the kind that had Vanni shivering all over, and his hips pushed up, until Colin’s nose and mouth were pressed to the dark curls, at the base of his cock. Colin stilled, his cheeks burning red, throat working, and Vanni entertained for a moment the idea of feeling a sort of wet heat around him, when he came.

 

He swallowed, squeezed his thighs together as he felt a throb of pure adrenaline and desire rush back towards his cock. It was too fast, however, and while he didn’t physically react, it made him want again in ways he didn’t normally. Even more so when Colin pulled back, wet mouth connected to Damian’s glistening cock by strings of saliva for a moment, before he was surging up. He shoved Damian down, one hand between them, making clumsy but quick work of his own jeans, as the other clutched at the bed, keeping Damian pinned. He kissed him roughly, both barely able to breath, as he freed his cock, thrusting and grinding right against Damian’s.

 

Vanni bit at his lip, dared to reach out, slide his fingertips along Colin’s arm. Colin glanced at him, still kissing Damian, and Vanni smiled softly. He watched Colin’s eyelids flutter, before the redhead was biting Damian’s pretty mouth, his hips moving erratically. Vanni kept touching lightly, wanting to be connected- but gripped Colin’s arm when his boyfriend’s hips stuttered and he pulled off Damian’s mouth, tossing his head back and groaning, finally finding his own release.

 

Vanni kept his hold on Colin’s arm, watching as he leaned over, a smile crossing his face. “Dames,” he whispered, as Damian stared up at him, “I made a mess.”

 

Damian reached up and smacked the back of his head. “I swear to the hells, Wiles, you will be the death of me.”

 

Vanni laughed over that. Not a giggle but a full laugh that nearly left him choking. He let go of Colin’s arm, reaching behind him for the box of tissues, and offered it out. Colin straightened up completely, took it and wiped off his hand, before he  _ snorted _ , looking at Damian’s shirt.

 

Damian glanced down and scowled. “ _ Wilkes _ !”

 

“Sorry!” Vanni covered his mouth, wheezing as the laughter bubbled up, and Damian sat up, hurriedly working the buttons of his shirt open. He stripped it off, balling it up and tossing it to the floor, as Colin fixed his own jeans. Vanni couldn’t help but watch, before his hands fell away and he frowned.

 

“You’re both bigger than me.” That had Colin and Damian turning to glance at him. Vanni glanced down, a hand reaching down to cup himself through his leggings, as he squeezed his thighs together. “Even when you’re not hard…”

 

Colin crawled back onto the bed, as Damian finished closing his own pants. He turned and pulled his legs up onto the bed, ignoring the fact that he was now stuck shirtless. “Hey,” Colin said, guiding Vanni to sit up, moving his hand by the wrist from between his legs. “That doesn’t matter.”

 

“Is it weird?” he asked. He’d never really thought to compare himself, but now that he’d  _ seen _ \- “is something wrong with me?”

 

“Oh my god  _ no _ .” Colin pulled him in, got his arms around him. “Princess you are  _ perfect _ . Trust me. Your cock is pretty.”

 

Vanni’s cheeks burned at that and he hid his face in Colin’s shoulder. Damian chuckled then. “Wilkes, you’re embarrassing him.”

 

“Well it  _ is _ . You saw too!” Vanni giggled then, curling up into Colin’s chest. Colin smiled, rubbing his back, feeling the risen marks of countless scars beneath his sweater. “You still feel okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Vanni breathed. He heard Damian crawling around the bed, and then his hand was on Vanni’s back too. “I feel good.” He sucked at his lip for a second, before adding, “I liked it.”

 

“That’s what I hoped for,” Colin admitted. “I thought it might be easier when it was something you already knew. WHen it was yourself.” He squeezed again, settling his chin atop Vanni’s head.

 

“So we can do it again?”

 

This time, Damian barked his laughter. “ _ Giovanni _ ,” he chided, and Vanni glanced out through his hair, offered the kind of smile that was sweetly wicked. “Harlot.”

 

“I don’t mean now,” Vanni said, awkwardly trying to kick at Damian. “But… eventually.”

 

Damian shook his head, but he was smiling. “Of course,” he said, leaning in when Colin finally let Vanni straighten up. He kissed his cheek gently. “We can do it however many times and ways you want. Whatever you want, beloved, we are here to give you.”

 

Vanni smiled, turning more to kiss Damian gently. It was chaste but affectionate, before he turned, kissed Colin in the same way.

 

“Will you stay with me today?” he asked. “I know you have things to do, but the penthouse was lonely before…”

 

“Trust me, sweetheart,” Colin offered, “We’ll stay forever if you’ll have us.” Damian nodded, and Vanni couldn’t stop smiling. He believed them- and he wanted nothing more than simply that.


End file.
